His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
