I must be too annoying 4 u.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
