I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
