i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize