so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
