no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
