I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
