well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize