dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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