I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
