There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
