Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize