Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
