I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize