I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
