Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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