Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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