Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
