The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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