i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
