Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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