fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
