Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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