hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
