Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
