Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
