y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
