I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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