went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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