I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
