Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize