she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
