So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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