On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
