Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
