i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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