chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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