she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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