Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
