i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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