i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
