You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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