Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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