its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
