He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
