the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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