my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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