your thong is hanging out like whoa
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
