You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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