if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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