I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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