i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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