i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
