She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
