Me too!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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