she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hippo gnu deer
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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