I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
