You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
