This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
