Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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