he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
