Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
