i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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