I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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