couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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