Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize