Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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