you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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