yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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