Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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