I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
