I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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