i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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