I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
