Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
