haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
