we're blogging at a bar
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
