And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
