they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
