ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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