Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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