I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
