The maid of honor just puked.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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