Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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