she looked like the before picture.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
