weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Terrible idea I love it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
