During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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