bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
