hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
